The wisdom of Larry the cable guy……. Канада


The wisdom of Larry the cable guy……. Канада

Larry the Cable Guy — Larry the Cable Guy, June 10, 2007 Birth name Daniel Lawrence Whitney Born February 17, 1963 (1963 02 17) … Wikipedia

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Larry — Infobox Given Name Revised name = Larry imagesize= caption= pronunciation= gender = meaning = region = origin = related names = footnotes = Larry is a masculine given name in English, derived from Lawrence or Laurence. It can be a shortened form… … Wikipedia

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Wisdom of Larry, the Cable Guy

1. A day without sunshine is like night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.
9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.
10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.
12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.
14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?
20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, «What the hell happened?»
22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.
23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow

Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy

Larry the Cable guy explains how to solve the illegal alien problem in America. Jokes Sent To Andy

Tue, 6 Sep 2011 09:20:56

Everyone concentrates on the problems we’re having in Our Country lately: Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, alligators attacking people in Florida . .. .. . Not me — I concentrate on solutions for the problems — it’s a win-win situation. * Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border. * Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levees. * Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today? Think about this: 1. Cows 2. The Constitution 3. The Ten Commandments


COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country.. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

THE CONSTITUTION
They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq . why don’t we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for over 200 years, and we’re not using it anymore.

THE 10 COMMANDMENTS
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this — you cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’ ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and ‘Thou Shall Not Lie’ in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.

Also, think about this . If you don’t want to forward this for fear of offending someone — YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM!


Wisdom of Larry the Cable Guy

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1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.


13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines
19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, «What the heck happened?»

22. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. it’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Ларри Кабельщик: Разделаюсь с ней (2004)

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Kelvin Harrison Jr. takes inspiration from his real life to help craft one of the most intense dramas of the year in Waves.

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outa him! I’ll beat him silly aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall day long! GIT-R-DONE!
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I’m sorry but this stand-up concert is too repetitive.

I loved Larry on Blue Collar TV and this is no exception.

After hearing the words «turd,» «midgets,» «strippers,» «gays,» and many other words a dozen times I started fast-forwarding through this nonsense.

I know it’s funny but this is too focused on being shocking that it loses it’s charm pretty quickly.


So watch it only if you’re either drunk, high or in a mood to where you’ll laugh at all the foulness.

The only part I got a kick out of was the «Johnny the Retard» skit.

Larry the Cable Guy — News Items

If you’re new, Subscribe! → http://bit.ly/Subscribe-to-Looper

It wasn’t so long ago that Larry the Cable Guy, born Dan Whitney, seemed to be everywhere. As part of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, he entertained millions at stand-up gigs with his down-home comedy and catchphrases. He’s also released 10 albums, including the platinum-certified The Right to Bare Arms. He even had his own travelogue show, Only in America, and was the subject of a Comedy Central roast. But what’s become lately of Larry lately? If you’ve missed him, you’re not alone. But he’s actually been plenty busy — just not in the ways you might think. Here’s what he’s been up to.

Pixar superstar | 0:46
Larry the Commercial Guy | 1:18
He walked away from Only in America | 2:15
He’s still making movies | 3:09
Larry the corporate guy | 3:37
Larry the charity guy | 4:12
What’s next for Larry the Cable Guy | 5:03

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Цитаты Larry the Cable Guy

Cheney shots his buddy in the face. Clinton shot his intern in the face.

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Larry the Cable Guy

Daniel Lawrence Whitney (born February 17, 1963), better known by the stage name Larry the Cable Guy, is an American stand-up comedian and actor. He is one of the co-stars of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, a comedy troupe which also includes Bill Engvall, Jeff Foxworthy, and Ron White, with whom he has starred on Blue Collar TV.

Larry the Cable Guy has released five comedy albums, of which three have been certified gold by the RIAA for shipments of 500,000 copies. In addition, he has starred in three Blue Collar Comedy Tour-related movies, as well as in the films Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector, Delta Farce, and Witless Protection. He also performed the voice of Mater in the Disney/Pixar film Cars.

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy……. Канада

Larry the Cable Guy — Larry the Cable Guy, June 10, 2007 Birth name Daniel Lawrence Whitney Born February 17, 1963 (1963 02 17) … Wikipedia

Only in America — For the Brooks Dunn song, see Only in America (song). For the History Channel series, see Only in America with Larry the Cable Guy. Only in America Only in America Title Card Genr … Wikipedia

The Stephanie Miller Show — Infobox Radio show show name = The Stephanie Miller Show imagesize = caption = other names = The Stephanie Miller Newscast format = Political satire Observational comedy Wit Word play runtime = 3 hours country = United States language = English… … Wikipedia

Larry — Infobox Given Name Revised name = Larry imagesize= caption= pronunciation= gender = meaning = region = origin = related names = footnotes = Larry is a masculine given name in English, derived from Lawrence or Laurence. It can be a shortened form… … Wikipedia

The Critic — For other uses, see The Critic (disambiguation). The Critic Title card Genre Sitcom, satire Format … Wikipedia

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The Colbert Report — logo Genre Comedy, Satire, News parody … Wikipedia

The Price Is Right (U.S. game show) — The Price Is Right Format Game show Created by Mark Goodson Bill Todman Directed b … Wikipedia

The Wizard of Oz (1939 film) — The Wizard of Oz Theatrical release poster Directed by Victor Fleming Uncredited: Norman Taurog Richard Thorpe … Wikipedia

The Sandbaggers — Genre Espionage Created by Ian Mackintosh Develo … Wikipedia


13 Hooked Up Facts About The Cable Guy

In 1996, The Cable Guy was known as a critically panned movie that marked a major career misstep for cinematic supernova Jim Carrey. Today, The Cable Guy is better known as the cult black comedy that grossed over $100 million and showed off Jim Carrey’s acting range. The film, which was directed by Ben Stiller and produced/unofficially co-written by Judd Apatow, starred Carrey as Chip Douglas, a sociopath masquerading as a cable repairman who will do anything to maintain a friendship. Matthew Broderick played Steven M. Kovacs, Douglas’s «best friend.» On the 20th anniversary of its release, here are some facts about The Cable Guy to read before you conclude your broadcast day.

1. IT WAS WRITTEN BY A LOS ANGELES PROSECUTOR.

Lou Holtz Jr. (no relation to the legendary football coach) told Entertainment Weekly how he got the idea for The Cable Guy: ”A few years ago I was in my mother’s apartment building one night and I saw a cable guy walking down the hall. I remember thinking ‘What’s he doing here so late?'» Columbia Pictures ended up buying the script for a total of $1 million. Holtz would ultimately end up writing five drafts.

2. CHRIS FARLEY WAS ORIGINALLY GOING TO STAR.

Talent manager Bernie Brillstein believed his client Chris Farley would be ideal for the lead. Holtz took a leave of absence from his day job to fly to New York and meet with Farley to talk about the movie. Farley officially dropped out because of a scheduling conflict, but executives told The New York Times that Farley’s involvement ended as soon as Jim Carrey expressed interest. Holtz said Carrey never wanted to meet with him.

3. JIM CARREY WAS PAID A RECORD-BREAKING $20 MILLION.

Carrey was the first actor to ever make that big a paycheck. Carrey’s salary was reported to be half of the film’s total budget.

4. JUDD APATOW LOST A BATTLE TO GET OFFICIAL CREDIT FOR WRITING.

Judd Apatow lost an «intense» Writers Guild arbitration battle with Lou Holtz Jr. over credit for writing the script. Holtz’s version was, according to director Ben Stiller, «basically a silly buddy comedy.» Apatow revised the script to make it bleaker, per Carrey’s request, going for a «funny version of the classic stalker films.» Apatow claimed there was no physical humor for Carrey in Holtz’s version of the script. Carrey described the finished product as «Hitchcock meets Jerry Lewis,» and «Rosemary’s Baby meets The Odd Couple

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5. CARREY WANTED TO DIE AT THE END OF THE MOVIE.

In one Apatow draft, Chip gets impaled on a cable dish. Apatow later admitted, «Jim was very intent on dying at the end of the movie. That was something we couldn’t get past everybody. He thought he should sacrifice and die at the end.»

6. CARREY CAME UP WITH THE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS PARODY.

Apatow and Stiller went to South Carolina to meet Carrey while he was shooting Ace Ventura 2: When Nature Calls (1995) for a few days of creative discussion on the script. At a bar, Carrey came up with the idea of having his character push his chest up against the glass like in Midnight Express (1978), writing «T*ts on glass» on a bar napkin.

7. LESLIE MANN AND APATOW MET AT HER AUDITION.

Leslie Mann, who played Robin Harris in the film, read with Apatow for her audition. Apatow read Carrey’s part. They got married in 1997.

8. BEN STILLER CONS >Stiller told Joel Murray («Basketball Player» in The Cable Guy), “It’s like doing a $40 million Ben Stiller Show sketch!” Stiller had all of his co-stars from the Emmy-winning-but-quickly-canceled sketch series in the movie: Andy Dick, Janeane Garofalo, Bob Odenkirk, and even writer David Cross. Murray’s response was a dubious, «Yeah, okay.»


9. THE STUNT COORDINATOR GOT FIRED.

When the stunt double dunked, the backboard shattered on his face and chest. The backboard glass was supposed to fall backwards. «The pyrotechnics didn’t work the right way and pushed all the glass the wrong way, so the guy got fired on the spot,» Keith Gibbs, the basketball coordinator remembered. «I think, in the actual scene, they ended up using it.»

10. CARREY WAS HOPELESS WHEN IT CAME TO BASKETBALL.

Gibbs went to Carrey’s house for «three or four hours» to teach him some fundamentals. The first thing Carrey told Gibbs was, “I’m a Canadian. I don’t know anything about basketball.” An hour alone was spent on right-hand layups. «At one point, he goes into character, and throws a baby hook from 35 feet, and it goes over the hoop, over the backboard, over his fence, and hits the guest house. And he starts running around the backyard like he just won the NCAA championship.»

11. MATTHEW BRODERICK HAD AN ISSUE WITH THE MEDIEVAL TIMES SCENE.

Carrey couldn’t believe that nobody had thought to set a comedic piece at Medieval Times before. The Buena Park, California venue closed its doors for the first time ever to accommodate filming. But there was one problem: Broderick is allergic to horses. «I had to really concentrate not to sneeze all the time,» he said. «I like fight scenes and physical comedy. But we were doing it in a string of 16-hour days and that can be quite draining.»

12. ONE SCENE WAS TAKEN OUT BECAUSE CARREY’S EVIL EYES WERE TOO REALISTIC.

Apatow gave The Los Angeles Times a list of excised scenes, including one where Carrey shoots Broderick’s character with a staple gun and stitches his butt in the shape of a television, another where Carrey pretends to be a volunteer firefighter and hurls a fireman’s ax at Broderick, and one scene shot in 40-degree rain in Griffith Park, where Carrey rides up on a horse resembling the headless horseman and leaps at Broderick, who puts a rock to Carrey’s head and threatens him until Carrey implores him to «go to the dark side of the force!» The latter was cut because «the evil in Carrey’s eyes look too realistic.» Another scene that was cut out because it didn’t get big laughs and scared test audiences had Carrey on top of Broderick’s car acting like The Terminator.

13. LARRY THE CABLE GUY’S MANAGER WAS UPSET.

«Before we started shooting, I got a call from this friend of mine who managed Larry the Cable Guy,» Apatow recalled. «He said, ‘Judd, what are you doing? You can’t call this movie The Cable Guy—this guy has been working so hard developing this character. You’re going to destroy his career!’ There was nothing I could do to change it. But clearly, Larry the Cable Guy has done way better than the movie The Cable Guy. If you had to compare the career of Larry the Cable Guy and the movie The Cable Guy, Larry wins, hands down.»

Larry the Cable Guy Biography

Larry the Cable Guy is an American stand-up comedian, actor, and radio personality. Check out this biography to know about his childhood, family life, achievements and fun facts about him.

Also Known As: Daniel Lawrence Whitney

Born in: Pawnee City, Nebraska

Famous as: Stand-up comedian, Actor, Voice Actor

Spouse/Ex-: Cara Whitney

father: Tom Whitney

mother: Shirley Whitney

education: The King’s Academy, Berean Christian School, Baptist University of America and University of Nebraska

Recommended For You

Larry the Cable Guy, born as Daniel Lawrence Whitney, is an American stand-up comedian, actor, voice actor, and former radio personality. Known as a former member of the comedy troupe ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour’, he has released several comedy albums, such as ‘Law and Disorder’, ‘Salutations and Flatulations’, ‘A Very Larry Christmas’, ‘Lord, I Apologize’, ‘Morning Constitutions’, ‘The Right to Bare Arms’ and ‘Tailgate Party’ to name a few. The comedian has also starred in many films including ‘Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector’, ‘Witless Protection’ and ‘Delta Farce’. As a voice artist, Whitney has lent his voice to the character of Mater for the ‘Cars’ film series and video games. He has also done voice work for the TV series ‘Cars Toons’. In addition, the American actor has starred in various TV movies, documentaries, and other television programs. Larry the Cable Guy is so popular in US that Bektrom Foods of North Dakota has even created a line of food products after his name!

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